My first encounter with the divine (Part 2)
(Have you read Part 1 already? If yes, then the story goes on… True story though.)
When we arrived there, we found another group that was already camping at the place. The building had enough space and dormitories to host two groups of approximately twenty people each. But both groups normally stayed apart from each other, even though we shared the huge courtyard.
First day: nothing special to mention.
Second day: it started all ordinary as well. But on that evening, something really crazy happened.
The unforgettable night!
I remember we were each on our bed. Some were already knocked out, snoring softly. The rest of us were chatting and joking quietly, waiting to fall asleep. The light was still on, the door slightly open…
All of a sudden, something apparently heavy fell on the roof and the noise shook us all. A light puff of dust entered and filled the room, then it got out. As the dusty wind was getting out, it sounded as if that thing over our heads lifted itself and went falling just as loudly on the next rooftop “Boom!”.
It all happened in less than 10 seconds. We looked at each other, perplexed. Then we all started to hear cries of different animals rising loudly in the night. That’s when things started to get really creepy for me. An increasing sense of danger was invading me, as I kept wondering what the heck I came to do there alone (again, in other words “without my parents”).
One of our leaders rushed into our dorm and urged us to get up and start praying. He told us that something strange fell on the other group’s roof, and since then, some of them seemed possessed and they were making all kinds of animal sounds… The moment I heard that the horses, goats, and other animals I thought we were hearing were not actually animals, my blood froze and fear simply swallowed me.
We started to gather to pray at the center of the room, but I could barely feel my legs. We were under serious spiritual attack and I felt caught off guard right in the middle of the battlefield. Many things that I used to hear at our meetings started to make sense. “I” was clearly my soul living inside of that body, and the whole campus was surrounded by soul-predators. The possibility of being snatched out of my own body, or captured inside of it by evil spirits who would then take over it, was the most terrifying threat I ever faced!
My parents were not around, and I had nothing “inside, with me” to protect me and overpower any evil spirit’s assault. The crippling fear was not only because I knew that my soul was defenseless, but I also felt sort of “seen” by these invisible evil forces. I horribly felt like too much of an easy prey for them to miss out anyway. So without overthinking it, I desperately turned to the God of my parents.
You could picture it as if I just threw myself and clung to God begging to be saved and protected. And I was NOT letting go. In my distress, I became 100% invested in seeking God with all my heart. All the commotion in the room and the noise outside were like fading as I was gradually focussing more and more. My eyes were closed, my lips were moving quietly but I was seriously looking for God, crying out to Jesus for help, inside of me.
As I pen this, it’s quite funny to remember how I used to play with prayer time before that. Back in the days, a regular meeting at our children’s gatherings would normally end with prayer. The monitor in front of us would then say: “Okay now, let’s close our eyes and bow our heads! We’re going to pray”. Then, one of the mischievous boys would echo to us, twisting it: “ Okay y‘all shush… We’re going to close our heads and bow our eyes!”. We, girls, would duck our heads way down the bench before us so that we could hide and continue our conversations. Other times, I would have maybe one eye closed, my lips literally sounding like “pshhee-pshh-pshhwee-psshwee…”, imitating the whisper of adults praying on the low, and my other eye checking to see who was available for some more shenanigans!
But that night, things got real!
That night, the devil got real, God suddenly was too, so prayer got real as well. My soul was facing imminent danger, and fear was done telling me the most tragic story. But I refused to be soul-captured, “eaten”, possessed or whatever, by any demon. God was my only hope.
Another thing is that, before that night, I always had thought of myself as a good child overall. But as I was crying out to God and pouring my heart before Him, all my sins came spilling through my mind as memories. I could see my life, what I had done, my deepest thoughts and intentions, all the dirt, my heart, my failures as a human being and everything. I was seeing them clearly as they truly were… and I was not good. Smh!… At all.
It was also clear to me that these evil things in me were bright open doors flashing the demons to access me. I was lost, I knew it. I was afraid and very sorry when I realized how I had put my soul in such a vulnerable position. I was suddenly conscious of all that. So I was confessing them as they kept coming one after the other. I needed God’s forgiveness and rescue, otherwise it would be just a matter of time, I kind of knew that too. So there I was, confessing and calling on God to have mercy on me, when suddenly OUT OF NOWHERE…
A HUUUUUUUUUUUUGE WAVE OF LOVE! 🌊
Love fell onto me. It instantly vanished all the fear and filled every single cell of my entire being; to the point that I literally felt like my body was too little of a container. I felt like I was about to burst the whole time; burst out of too much love, out of too much peace, out of too much joy….!
I always struggle to describe exactly what happened… but maybe, for once now, I could use your help a bit. Imagine a massive tsunami wave suddenly falling into a little cup on the shore and flooding it. Thinking about it, did I die somehow that day? I felt entirely filled, full and overflowed with love, joy and peace but love was it all. Such a unique, tender but fierce love, so strong and powerful, indescribable. The love was so deep and real, selfless and unconditional. God is totally mad and deeply loving us. Listen, the purity of this love melted everything else and I was eternally His. I don’t care what happens, I am God’s and Jesus-Christ’s side. His nature is our well-being and He loves us beyond our own understanding.
In that state, it’s like I’ve not only been touched, but I was also being taught and understanding a lot of things. I knew that what I was experiencing was just a tiny part of God’s love (yet, it was exploding me; I could bear and couldn’t bear it at the same time). I also knew that it was how His heart feels for every single human being (myself included). God’s love cannot be fully described but it’s the Love we all humans essentially need. Soothing. True. Real. Pure. Strong. Relentless. Generous like an eternal tide, forever giving and forever rooting for the very best for us. Friend, God is crazy about you. To be honest, it’s not easy to understand why He loves us like that. Like… for real! But He knows and He found us worthy of all His heart. I’m telling you, there’s no way God’s love would not conquer your heart. It’s even out of God’s love that I could love God back, and anyone or anything I ever love after that. He loves first. He is the source of Love. God is love and His Love could teach us real love, which is forever pure.
God’s love naturally makes you love Him back and makes you love yourself -If God sees fit to feel the way He feels about you, yet you struggle to appreciate or love yourself, your own worth is still unknown to you… And it’s okay if you can’t see it yet, but meanwhile I can still offer you to simply trust His own appreciation of you. He knows you better than you do. Trust Him, accept and receive His infinite love for you and value yourself too. But yep, there definitely must be something about every single one of us.
God’s love makes you not only love yourself, but it makes you love people too. In fact, this love I felt, at first, made me respect both myself and people. I am careful how I treat others because I KNOW how God feels and roots for them. No matter who they are, or what they’ve done. Crazy, right? I suggest we leave being judgmental to Him; God truly has no favorite. Anyway as for me, because of His heart and out of His love, I came to love people too.
I often say that I carry my own party inside (I think joy stayed with me, as part of that experience). But sometimes, I struggle in directing people back to God when they come to me expecting more than I can humanly supply. God’s love is a magnet, but only God can sustain that, no human can. We’re all resources, helping each others. Yes we may have elders and fathers in the faith to instruct us more, but we all could sometimes fail in representing God. That’s why the ideal would be for everyone to have their own personal connection/relationship first with God. And Jesus said He’s the only way to make that happen. I believe Jesus. There may be many gates out there, but if I want to reach the right address, I’ll make sure to knock at the right door. Now, that’s my choice and the results I’m looking for… Anyway, God is the unique and ultimate Source. We may be invested vessels, one fact remains: we all need Him the same, daily; and we also need other people too.
You know, for all the mysteries around us, humans’ vocabularies are infinitely limited. During that moment, I was fully aware, conscious and in control of myself. I was looking for words to express back to Him, to receive Him, but I couldn’t find anything else accurate enough. I was stuck in repeating with all my heart: “Thank you Jesus! Oh..! Thank you Jesus!” (in French). My hands were lifted, sincerely wishing that I could say more to Him, but no expression seemed enough but still, I couldn’t remain silent before such a marvelous God, so I kept on repeating “thank you Jesus”, mind blown, relieved, free, happy and above all, completely loved. God was forever real to me.
Since then, I am all in. Willingly.
God’s love won me. Point blank period.
There’s no way around it and He is adorable indeed. Literally. He is simply worthy.
After that whole experience, from when I was confessing and calling on Him, to when He touched me, I was no longer the same person. Yep. The old me definitely died that night. I was born again into a whole new person. So now, there are principles that I just can’t deny, as they have been encrypted to my core. They are forever one with me, my eternal foundations. I didn’t just hear about God’s love. I felt part of it. I lived it. So I do not think God loves you to death: I KNOW God loves you to death.
Even on that new journey with Him, I still faced life’s hardships, still made mistakes, felt up, felt down, learned some lessons, and some still not yet, but guess what? The assurance of being forever loved and fully accepted changed the way I face life events and their impact on me.
One evening, not too long ago, I was sitting quietly in the night, looking at the neighborhood through a window, and I was thinking. And I ended up thanking God for how His love was the only true remedy that could prevent depression. We need to know God’s love. I am no longer alone deep inside of me, helpless in my personal human experience. And you don’t have to be either. With God as your inner companion, you no longer go through anything in life alone. And if that could be the relationship we all would establish first, we would be helped at managing the other ones. God’s spirit, as He promised, is with all His sons & daughters. I aimed to maintain my relationship with God ever since. It’s kind of the same dynamic as in all relationships- all emotions are freely included, as long as honesty, respect and love never miss.
Sometimes when I try to explain to people how God loves them, I get frustrated a bit. It’s because I know that being told stuff doesn’t make you see nor believe them like experiencing them would. I remember telling God “Father God, it feels like a waste to let me know how much you love them and not let them know for themselves. Each of us needs to know that for ourselves“. In fact, God’s love is always available for whoever. But it’s our part to acknowledge and desire Him.
Father, for Jesus’ sake, I pray whoever reads this, personally experiences your love during his/her lifetime, just like you’ve let it happen for me.
It can seem hard to go to God or to set a time to really seek Him, but I pray He gives you this grace (ability) or arranges the circumstances to put you in that position. If He sets it, you would be safe. Zero doubt.
So yes, God is the greatest mind, powerful Creator, and everything great and awesome there is, but His love, that’s Who He is. And that’s why I love Him back. For Who He is. This love, there’s none like this nowhere else, but in God. I pray that you and God both encounter each other. God loves us. It’s a fact. With all that He put up with us every day, the least we could do would be to acknowledge Him so when we ever feel thankful for life, we address this emotion as a thought directly to Him.
To conclude, I would love to recommend this book, by William P. Young, “The Shack”. Or you could also watch the movie. Here’s their official website (not a sponsor). 👋Until next time!
Amen
❤️