My first encounter with the divine (Part 2)

When we arrived there, we found another group that was already camping at the place. The building had enough space and dormitories to host two groups of approximately thirty people each. But both groups normally stayed apart from each other, even though we shared the huge courtyard.

First day: nothing special to mention. 

Second day: it started all ordinary as well. But on that evening, something really crazy happened.

The Unforgettable Night

I remember we were each on our bed. Some were already knocked out, snoring softly. The rest of us were chatting and joking quietly, waiting to fall asleep. The light was still on, the door slightly open…

All of a sudden, something apparently heavy fell on the roof and the noise shook us all. I realize it already sounds like a novel, lol, but I’m really describing what I recall. I have other people who can testify of this as well. I heard the heavy noise on our rooftop, and I saw a light puff of dust entered and filled the room, then I saw it slowly clearing out. As the dusty wind was fading, it sounded as if that thing over our roof lifted itself and went falling just as loudly on the next rooftop “Boom!”. 

It all happened in less than 10 seconds. We all looked at each other, perplexed. Then we started hearing cries of different animals rising loudly in the night. That’s when things started to get really creepy for me. An increasing sense of danger invaded me, as I kept wondering what the heck I came to do there so far away from home and alone (again, in other words “without my parents”).

One of our leaders rushed into our dorm and urged us to get up and start praying. He told us that something strange fell on the other group’s roof, and since then, some of them seemed possessed and many were making all kinds of animal sounds… The moment I heard that the horses, goats, and other animals I thought I was hearing were not actual animals, I believe my blood froze right there and fear swallowed me entirely.

We started to gather to pray at the center of the room, but I could barely feel my legs. We were under serious spiritual attack and I felt caught off guard right in the middle of some battlefield. Many things that I used to hear at our meetings started just to make sense. “I” was clearly my soul living inside of that body, and the whole campus was surrounded by soul-predators. The possibility of being snatched out of my own body, or captured inside of it by evil spirits who would then take over it and “possess” me, was the most terrifying threat I had ever faced by then.

My parents were not around, and I had nothing “inside, with me” to protect me and overpower any evil spirit’s assault. The crippling fear was not only because I knew that my soul was defenseless, but I also felt sort of “seen” by these invisible evil forces. I horribly felt like too much of an easy prey for them to miss out anyway. So without overthinking it, I desperately turned to the God of my parents. And that was THAT NIGHT, for me.

You could picture it as if I just threw myself and clung to God begging to be saved and protected. And I was NOT letting go. In my distress, I became 100% invested in seeking God with all my heart. All the commotion in the room and the noise outside were like fading as I was gradually focussing more and more. My eyes were closed, my lips were moving quietly but I was seriously looking for God, crying out to Jesus for help, inside of me. 

As I pen this, it’s quite funny to remember how I used to play with prayer-time before that event. Back in the days, a regular meeting at our children’s gatherings would normally end with prayer. The monitor in front of us would then say: “Okay now, let’s close our eyes and bow our heads! We’re going to pray”. Then, one of the mischievous boys would echo to us, twisting it: “Y’all shush… Just close your heads and bow your eyes!”. We, girls, would duck our heads way down the bench before us so that we could hide and continue our conversations. Other times, I would have maybe one eye closed, my lips literally sounding like “pshhee-pshh-pshhwee-psshwee-pshh…”, imitating the whisper of adults praying on the low, and my other eye checking to see who was available for some more shenanigans.

But That Night, Things Got Real! 

That night, the devil got real, God suddenly was too, so prayer got real as well. My soul was facing imminent danger, and fear was done telling me the most tragic story. But I refused to be soul-captured, “eaten”, possessed or whatever, by any demon. God was my only hope.

Another thing is that, before that night, I always had thought of myself as a good child overall. But as I was crying out to God and pouring my heart before Him, all my sins came spilling through my mind as memories. I could see my life, what I had done, my deepest thoughts and intentions, all the dirt, my heart, my failures, hidden ugliness and evil in me, and everything. I was seeing them clearly as they truly were… and I was not good. Smh… At all.

It was also clear to me that these evil things in me were bright open doors flashing the demons to access me. I was lost, and I could clearly see it. I was suddenly conscious of all that. I was afraid and very sorry when I realized how I had put my soul in such a vulnerable position, I was begging for forgiveness, I wanted another chance. So I was confessing my sins as they kept coming to my mind one after the other. I needed God’s forgiveness and rescue, otherwise it would be just a matter of time. I kind of knew that too. So there I was, confessing and calling on God to have mercy on me, when suddenly OUT  OF  NOWHERE…

A HUUUUUUUUUUUUGE WAVE OF LOVE! 🌊  

Love fell onto me. It instantly vanished anything else I was feeling and filled every single cell of my being; to the point that I literally felt like my body was too little of a container. I felt like I was about to burst the whole time. I was totally filled and overthrown by such a love, such a peace, and such a joy!

I always struggle to describe exactly what happened… but maybe, for once now, I could use your help a bit. Imagine a massive tsunami wave suddenly falling into a little cup on the shore and flooding it. Thinking about it, did I die somehow that day? I felt entirely filled, full and overflowed with love, joy and peace but love was it all. Such a unique, fierce yet deep and tender love, so strong, so powerful, indescribable. It was so selfless and unconditional. God is totally madly and deeply loving us.

 Listen, the purity of this love melted everything else and I was eternally His ever since. I don’t care what happens, I am God’s and Jesus-Christ’s side. His nature is our well-being and He loves us beyond our own understanding.

In that state, it’s like I’ve not only been touched, but I was also being taught and understanding a lot of things. I knew that what I was experiencing was just a tiny part of God’s love (yet, it was exploding me; I could bear and couldn’t bear it at the same time). 

I also knew that it was how His heart feels for every single human being (myself included). God’s love cannot be fully described but it’s the Love we all humans essentially need. Soothing. True. Real. Pure. Strong. Relentless. Generous like an eternal tide, forever giving and forever rooting for the very best for us. Friend, God is crazy about you. To be honest, it’s not easy to understand why He loves us like that. Like… for real! But He knows and He found us worthy of all His heart. I’m telling you, there’s no way God’s love would not conquer your heart. There is just NO WAY.

It’s even out of God’s love that I can love God back, and anyone or anything I ever love after that. He loves first. He is the source of Love. God is love and His Love could teach us real love, which is forever pure. 

God’s love naturally makes you love Him back and makes you love yourself -If God sees fit to feel the way He feels about you, yet you struggle to appreciate or love yourself, your own worth is still unknown to you… And it’s okay if you can’t see it yet, but meanwhile I can still offer you to simply trust His own appreciation of you. He knows you better than you do. Trust Him, accept and receive His infinite love for you and value yourself too. Believe that God loves you extravagantly. I’m thinking, definitely there must be something about every single one of us.

God’s love makes you not only love yourself, but it makes you love people too. In fact, this love I felt from His heart, at the very first, gave me a deep respect for people (myself included). I am careful how I treat others because I KNOW how God feels about them. No matter who they are, or what they’ve done. No matter the social class, as long as they have human blood and a body. Crazy, right? I suggest we leave being judgmental to Him; God truly has no favorite. Anyway as for me, because of His heart and out of His love, I came to love people too.

I often say that I carry my own party inside (I think joy stayed with me, as part of that experience). But sometimes, I struggle in directing people back to God when they come to me expecting more than I can humanly supply. God’s love is a magnet, but only God can sustain that, no human can, so far as I know (unless you’re Jesus-Christ). We’re all resources, helping each others. Yes we may have elders, leaders and fathers in the faith to instruct us more, but we all could sometimes fail in representing God. That’s why the ideal would be for everyone to have their own personal connection/relationship with God. And Jesus said He’s the only way to make that happen. Please, believe Jesus. There may be many gates out there, but if I want to reach the right address, I’ll make sure to knock at the right door. Now, that’s my choice and the results I’m looking for… Anyway, God is the unique and ultimate Source. We may be invested vessels, one fact remains: we all need Him the same, daily; and we also need other people too. 

You know, for all the mysteries around us, humans’ vocabularies are infinitely limited. During that moment, I was fully aware, conscious and in control of myself. I was looking for words to express back to Him, to receive Him, but I couldn’t find anything else accurate enough, so I was stuck in repeating with all my heart: “Thank you Jesus! Oh.. Thank you Jesus!” (in French). My hands were lifted, sincerely wishing that I could say more to Him, but no expression seemed enough but still, I couldn’t remain silent, He was too much of a marvelous God, too much of a loving and good God, so worthy of all my heart and all my life, yet it still didn’t feel enough, so I kept on repeating “thank you Jesus! Thank you Jesus!”, mind totally blown, relieved, free, happy and above all, completely loved and safe. God was forever real to me.

Since Then, Listen… I’m All In! Willingly. 

God’s love won me. Point blank period. 

So that’s why I am “like this”, passionate about Him.

There’s no way around it and He is adorable indeed. Literally. He is simply worthy.

He simply is.

And that’s why He is God. He is worthy first.

After that whole experience, from when I was confessing and calling on Him, to when He touched me, I was no longer the same person. Yep. I was born again into a whole new person. So now, there are principles that I just can’t deny, as they have been encrypted to my core. They are forever one with me, my eternal foundations. I didn’t just hear about God’s love. I felt part of it. I lived it. So I do not think God loves you to death: I KNOW God loves you to death and beyond.

Even on that new journey with Him, I still faced life’s hardships, still made mistakes, felt up, felt down, learned some lessons, and some still not yet, but guess what? The assurance of being forever loved and fully accepted changed the way I face life events and their impact on me. 

One evening, not too long ago, I was sitting quietly in the night, looking at the neighborhood through a window, and I was thinking. And I ended up thanking God for how His love was the only true remedy that could prevent depression. We need to know God’s love. 

God’s spirit wants to be our inner companion.

I am no longer alone deep inside of me, helpless in my personal human experience. And you don’t have to be, either. With God as your inner companion, you no longer go through anything in life alone. And if that could be the relationship we all would establish first, we would be helped at managing the other ones. God’s spirit, as He promised, is within all His sons & daughters. I aimed to maintain my relationship with God ever since. It’s kind of the same dynamic as in all relationships- all emotions are freely included, as long as honesty, respect and love never miss.

Sometimes when I try to explain to people how God loves them, I get frustrated a bit, and sometimes not just a bit… It’s because I know that being told stuff doesn’t make you see nor believe them like experiencing them would. I remember telling God “Father God, it feels like a waste to let me know how much you love them and not let them know for themselves. Each of us needs to know that for ourselves“. But I understood that, in fact, God’s love is always available for whoever. But it’s our part to acknowledge and desire Him. Some of us are afraid of even discovering that love, because you are afraid of the unknown. You think it’s enough to just being told about it, it validates you somehow, but that’s not enough. You should ask for yourself during this lifetime, dont waste any more time.

Father, for Jesus’ sake, I pray whoever reads this, personally experiences your love during his/her lifetime, just like you’ve let it happen for me. 

It can seem hard to go to God or to set a time to really seek Him, but I pray He gives you this grace or arranges the circumstances to put you in that position. If He sets it, you’ll be safe at the end of the day. Zero doubt.

So yes, God is the greatest mind, powerful Creator, and everything great and awesome there is, but His love, that’s Who He is. And that’s why I love Him. For Who He is. This love, there’s none like this nowhere else, but in God. I pray that you and God both encounter each other. God loves us. It’s a fact. With all that He puts up with us every day, the least we could do would be to acknowledge Him so when we ever feel thankful for life, we address this emotion as a thought directly to Him.

To conclude, I would love to recommend this book, by William P. Young, “The Shack”. Or you could also watch the movie. Here’s their official website (not a sponsor, just sharing). 

👋Until next time!