A first for me… and I enjoyed it!
Storytime (please, get yourself comfortable…☕️)
It was a Wednesday night, not even the weekend yet. And I had just finished an article for a company I had a copywriting contract with. For the past weeks, I had been working back to back, taking one task after another, not quite allowing myself to catch any breath. Let’s mention that I was also coping with a tough process of grieving, therefore drowning myself in piles of work was keeping my mind busy in just that area. But after I was done and there was no more task to take upon, I started to feel as if all my emotional pain and mental exhaustion were then ready to lash out, but I was certain that I didn’t want to go down in depression. As I was taking a long shower, I decided to give myself a new season to breathe fresh air. I’d go on some explorative adventures to new places and in nature, allowing myself to grieve healthily and at my own pace.
The idea was already exciting. Then I started to feel an urge to kick it off, right then. I could dare to do something for myself that same night! The purpose would be to symbolically close that workaholic-self-imposed season, celebrate the fact that I still did a good and consistent job (in spite of it all), and open a new season to welcome rest, fresh air and whatever else my soul truly needed.
It was already past 9, but I couldn’t care less. However because of the time, my options were getting few -I do not do clubs. Finally I decided to take myself to a very nice restaurant, have a cocktail or two, try a fancy dish, and get takeout so I wouldn’t have to cook either the next day. Only relax and plan for my trips ahead!
I got myself ready, called an Uber and got driven to the restaurant I wanted to go. Along the way, there was that little thought of caution lingering somewhere in… I acknowledged it, but it wasn’t alarming enough for me not to keep it moving. I arrived at the restaurant. There was a musical group having some live show that night, and I was happy about that. I was wearing an outfit that made me feel very good about myself. I was well in my skin, with excitement and a little joy deep in my heart every time I felt the chilly night breeze on my face. I could already anticipate my next season; it felt like freedom, newness, rebirth… I chose my table indoors, ordered, then went to tidy myself up a bit. I did a little retouching and stuff… including appreciating the restroom decor, seeing how fancy enough it was around the mirrors, to probably take a selfie or two.. Y’all know💅.
On the way back to my table, I bumped into a stranger. We quickly exchanged a few words and cordial smiles on the go, then I remember excusing myself, and he said something like “Sure, no problem” and I went to sit at my table. As I just sat, his “sure, no problem” kind of stayed with me in a weird way. Now I barely really noticed the man himself. I knew that I wasn’t suddenly feeling interested or anything like that, but somehow there was a very particular and engaging masculine energy emanating from him; and that had nothing to see with his voice, or his tone… If I would try to be a bit figurative about it, it would be as if the man cast an invisible net over me through his simple words, a charm that followed me even as I turned my back, walked to my table, and sat; and even after I talked to the server and started waiting. I said “masculine” because I perceived it more like a vibe of mature strength, generosity (like a sort of largesse, openness), and an appealing invite to comfort… It was like a subtle magnet. The feeling he gave off could easily make you overlook his physics, and yet you would still feel compelled to give him your attention somehow… Like an aura around the man or something! Nevertheless, his physical appearance was nothing disagreeable either. The guy was a good-looking man. Just that he seemed to be either in his late forties or early fifties, but the man was keeping himself pretty good. He was fit and in very good shape in a classy casual outfit. Still, I knew that I wasn’t interested. For one thing, as a person, I prefer not to hook up; and that wasn’t about to change that night. Not to mention all that was going on in my personal life; it could have been the most interesting man on dear earth and that wouldn’t have moved my disposition. I was only and honestly intrigued by that charm. It was very attractive to me, and I was aware of that. Deep down, I started to feel curious to know what was about it…
I was chatting with a few friends on my phone when they brought my food over. I looked around. There were still a few people here and there. I don’t remember if the musical band was still performing, but we still had soft songs in the air. There were many empty tables around me, and not too far, there was that guy, also being served and alone at his table. I thought: “since he’s alone there and I’m alone here, it would be nice if we could accompany each other during the moment we’re both eating here“. Now I know that it was actually my curiosity steaming; but at the moment, that was just my only conscious thought. I was like: “what could go wrong? God is here ever protecting, and I know the boundaries of my intention. I could go for it. YOLO!“
So I saw myself lying down a bit over my table to wave to that man with my arm closer to the surface of the table than in the air. Then I asked him, in case he was not waiting for someone, if he wouldn’t mind joining my table, since we were both alone, we could share the time here and eat together.
You know, I surprise myself a lot of times, and that was certainly one of those. But I get to enjoy it afterwards, so I’m not sure how to stop yet😅. The man told me there was no problem at all, but then he added: “better yet, how about YOU come and join my table. Let me help with your plates“.
I was caught off guard. That’s when I realized that I had not thought this through at all. The situation just flipped and got off my hands so easily that I froze for a second. I couldn’t say that I was not the one who really had initiated this, that the guy was a psychic who cast a spell on me that made me invite him over so he could flip the situation and have access..! I couldn’t say that. Right? Nothing could have forced me to open my mouth if I didn’t agree to, so I’ve put myself there with that stranger. He came over, and we started to take the utensils covers and my waiter came to help us. My mind was in gear: “Oh boy, you just mess around too much, Abi. Do you know what kind of man he could be? Remember that low-key feeling of warning coming here… And who even decides to go out in the middle of the night by themselves, out of the blue like that? Girl, let’s just go smoothly through it, but way more cautious now!“
I installed my way-more-cautious-now behind in that chair in front of the man, and… honestly, we had a good time.
We got acquainted and chatted for a good while. The conversation, between our bites and sips, flowed so well. It was all platonic gladness and sharing. I enjoyed it. He said he thought that I was a model or an artist, he said that he was never married, but had children. He explained what he did for a living, and told a bit about his life. I told him a bit about myself too, but I was more about asking little questions, and listening.
We had a few laughs here and there too; when I tell you it was a good little time!
As I was finishing my plate, he told me that he was going to join our orders, that I didn’t have to worry about paying at all. It took me a second to process. Why did he want to do that? That was not a date… I came ready to pay for my stuff, he should have known that… Plus, I didn’t want to feel like I owed the guy anything… I also thought about all that I had ordered. I came there intentionally to spoil myself and I did. He had no idea that there were meals packed somewhere in there, waiting to go home with me. I thanked him and told him that he didn’t have to do that, that I’d prefer to pay for my stuff. I also smoothly clarified (again) that I only thought that we could have a good time talking just while we were there, and that it wouldn’t be fair for him to take upon my bills. He insisted and told me not to worry about none of that, he called the waiter. I persisted, letting him know then that there was more food coming for me since I also ordered takeout. I told him that the situation was not getting comfortable for me unless he’d let me pay for my orders. He still insisted and tried reassuring me, saying that it was the least he could do to show me how much he appreciated the time we had. By then, we both became low-key very clear on each other’s intentions. I thought “Oh my, what did I walk myself into?”
I didn’t know that yet, but there can be something embarrassing (or suspicious) about receiving some level of favor from a man you have no sentimental interest in; unless it’s a grateful son, or a father (or figures of those in your life). Anyway, I couldn’t help but still feel a little bit awkward. I managed to discreetly brief two of my friends. Both reassured me that I didn’t owe the guy anything (I already knew that, but hearing it again from trusted third parties felt somewhat refreshing). After all, if he kept insisting on paying even when I clearly told him “no”, then I could just let him assume his choice with no guilt. The man knew his pocket.
He checked out both for him and I. He invited me to see him again the next day, and asked to digit his number on my phone, for me to save it in case his invitation would interest me. I handed him the phone and he proceeded. I appreciated the fact that he stayed manly and didn’t act like a jerk asking me to text him right back, in order for him to have my phone number too. That was classy of him, leaving that totally up to me. The man was casually confident and so in touch with his masculinity. Indeed, that was very charming. Again he told me how good of a time he just had sharing with me, that I was amazing (💅). I told him that I did have a good time as well, that it was very nice meeting him, and that I would think about his invitation and let him know. We thanked each other, and he left the table. I decided to wait at least half an hour before leaving too (safety-wise, you can never be too sure…), meanwhile, I was fully updating my friends.
I was smiling. That was such a nice kick-off for my break season coming up! Would you say it was risky? I still think all the impulsive risks I took there were still calculated though… And even when things went some unexpected ways, I stayed fully aware and assertive. Finally, nothing bad happened. I enjoyed myself, he had a good time being accompanied, and I saved money! Minutes later, I was in one of the restaurant’s private taxis, on my way back to my apartment with my package, thinking about how odd of a night that just was.
That was the first time I had addressed that sort of curiosity the way I did. And I want to admit, somehow, I was actually glad that he took over. I had no plan to handle a fully grown man at my table! Had he come over, what would I have said? How would have I sustained that? I didn’t want to have to, either! So he actually made the situation right for me, by inviting me over instead. That allowed me to go back to my feminine self, receiving just what I desired, for the benefit of the two of us at the moment. Why him? Well, because among all the strangers that probably were there alone (if there were more), we bumped into each other and he was courteous and respectful, plus that particular vibe I was curious about… Anyway I appreciated the whole experience. In his masculine energy, I felt mostly at ease and comfortable. I felt safe to be myself, of course at the required level of the occasion, but still myself. It was just nicely flowing, like some subtle dance between the masculine and the feminine that I gratefully enjoyed being an active part of, while observing at the same time.
I also came to appreciate how he handled my “no”s. One, clearly expressed, which he understood, yet still proceeded to do what he knew best, for his honor, paying for me with no expectation (unless I was willing). And another “no” not so clearly expressed, that he accepted respectfully, careful not to be pushy while still letting the way open, in case I would change my mind. After all, the guy was an available man. I was the one who had to know, as a woman, what I wanted and to stand my ground. That’s just the reality.
Thoughts on the Feminine & the Masculine
It’s heartbreaking to witness the confusion going on between the genders, mostly in the Western world. Thinking about it, it seems to me as the consequences of all the hurt, disappointments and abuses not properly dealt with, on and by both sides. If only we would simply make the decision to heal and come back in touch with our true essence… Masculine and Feminine are gifts to each other; one to be fully unwrapped by the other.
God makes no mistake. Ideally, both genders, expressed through the natural differences of the bodies, show off a beautiful and so enjoyable balance to each other. These differences between the genders are one of the tastiest things in life, and we do not even have to get it down to anything sexual, in order to experience or appreciate it. When acknowledged and honored, these differences make none superior to the other. Yet they enable each to play its specific and equally important role in society and relationships. Just a genuine time or conversation between feminine and masculine can bring a dimension of how great and vivifying that spark of their togetherness can be. Anyway, I think femininity will always appreciate and be charmed by masculinity, and vice-versa. What is rare is when each intentionally chooses to walk with goodness, kindness, faithfulness, loyalty… virtues and values of that kind. That is what is special because it takes the journey of a built character, self-discipline, self-love and dignity…
Now how strange of a true story is that!
Wow, i enjoyed the story. And your take on fem&masc energy🤌🏽🤌🏽
Thank you Moly for the feedback! I appreciate❤️