Self-Love: the middleman
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This is our reminder not to join the grumpies’ club🚩!
It’s sad to hear some people condemning self-love (sometimes in the name of God), when Jesus himself told us to love our neighbors the same way we love ourselves (by the way, if we could do just that! If we would treat others the way we would want to be treated, loving them the same way we love ourselves, not doing unto them what we wouldn’t want to be done to ourselves, that would ease so much of the burden on the earth. But well…) Anyway, back to the grumpies’ club! I’d really like to ask those who condemn self-love what then Jesus implied by saying “as you love yourself“. Because, if “as I love myself” isn’t the notion of “self-love”, well I don’t know what it is.
We should have self-love; it’s already expected of us. Indeed, according to Jesus, our love for others should normally be based on our self-love, and even reflect it. Kind of “see how you love yourself? Now go love the next person that same way“. Now imagine people having no self-love, and are convinced that it is wrong; where do their “neighbors” even stand, poor things?
Based on what Jesus said, I understand that self-love is essential to the equilibrium of our relationships with others. Self-love, to me means simply to love yourself, to consider your well-being in a healthy way; that is in a way that does no harm to others. The moment we cross that healthy line, we can’t be talking about self-love anymore, nor about love at all, for love does not delight in any kind of evil (1 Corinthians 13:6). You may call it any other type of self-ish-ness, but not self-love. In sum, if I’m not sure you love yourself, I have no ground to trust your proclaimed “love” for me.
(Do you love you? Seriously.)
Time to fill our love tank!
Just like self-love sustains the love for others, the love of God sustains self-love. God’s love should constantly fuel and fill our love tank. God’s love teaches us about His nature first, and as we accept, trust and receive His love for us, we then start seeing ourselves more like He sees us, valuing and loving ourselves too. The Source (God, our heavenly Father) fills our love tank, and as we stay aligned under the Source to be filled, our tank will eventually run over, and the overflow naturally benefits others through our interactions with them.
Self-love is the middleman between our relationship with God and others. We can know and care about how people would feel when treated a certain way, based on our own sensitivity to how we would feel. Our objective sensitivity to ourselves (our self-awareness), regulated by the love of God for us, teaches us what is acceptable and right for us, as for our human dignity, and what is not. (Sometimes it’s not even other people doing us wrong, but ourselves, lacking self-love. God’s love for us sheds light on those cases too, with truth deep in our heart. Beware that opening up to more of His love for us will make us grow inevitably in our self-love… And to more growth, more responsibility towards ourselves👀… Are we still together?) All in all, self-love leads us sooner or later into holding ourselves accountable for how we’ve been treating ourselves (mostly through our choices), and will challenge our own butt to be, do and become our very best. That’s when we’ll need to partner with Christ on this project, not only because without Him nothing can we, but also because He fully knows us already, while we’re still discovering ourselves and our path, day by day.
When you get acquainted with God’s relentless love for you as a human being, the next human being will be perceived as a type of brother or sister. Natural differences like skin color, height, weight, personalities, will be just traits and wonders of each other to enjoy and discover. I believe that it’s in the perspective of Father God‘s love for us all humans, that Jesus told us:”…but you are not to be called ‘Rabbi’ for you have one Teacher, and you are all brothers. And do not call anyone on earth ‘father’, for you have one Father, and He is in heaven. Nor are you to be called instructors, for you have one Instructor, the Messiah” (Matthew 23: 8-10). You’re not an orphan❤️🩹. You have one Father in Heaven. He knows you and loves you.
Let’s wrap this up: so our Heavenly Father loves us and His love teaches us how to love ourselves, and loving ourselves teaches us how to love others. Is the math mathing? So self-love is valid! Even more, self-love is necessary. Love yourself! Cherish yourself! (Hey, don’t you think God loves Himself too? No wonder why He loves us that much since we humans -and only us- are created in His own image). You should love yourself. Healthy consideration for ourselves stems from trusting God’s love, then resourcing ourselves from it. I am not tired yet of repeating it: you and I should cherish ourselves because of the (speechless-kinda-crazy) way God loves us.
Now, this article could have ended there. But somehow I feel more to flow about that “Speechless-kind-Of-Crazy” way…
Because at first glance, (let’s say you are Jesus for a moment) tell me what sense it makes that humans you created are mocking you, spitting on you, torturing you to death, literally nailing you on a cross, you’re going through excruciating pain, suffering at all levels possible, yet there you are, petitioning for them to be forgiven: “They do not know what they’re doing, Father“. WHAT?! It makes no sense to the human mind! (Please follow me, I’m going somewhere with this) Even more, way before that, what sense does it make that God had just one Son and He sent Him, not to only irreversibly become human, forever now restricted into human nature (from Godlike He was, Philippians 2:6-7), but also and most importantly, to die and go to hell for that humanity of us who still did him like we did him? Why would anyone ever do that?
BUT NOW, it finally makes all the sense, way after all has been done, when the Father recovers both His son and us humanity with him. As it is, the son of God was never meant to be stuck into our human nature by endorsing it, but rather to free and raise our nature unto God’s own nature. When Jesus resurrected from death in this new glorified human body, humanity’s locks and limits become forever broken, through Him! The son of God spouses humanity, chose it, became one with it, to respond for it henceforth. And that was God’s plan! The plan of God, out of His love for us, was more clever than the spiritual enemies that deceived us and separated us from Him, suggesting evil to us (even until now). Now what a great comeback God made for us in Jesus-Christ! We trust Jesus and we’re set on our way for an incredible and eternal relationship journey with Him that starts here on Earth. So in all that concerns Jesus-Christ, we get to see to what extent God loves us. He planned His strategy, and sent His best bet who took our form, embraced our experience, went way down to the lowest for us, so He could victoriously rise up to the highest with us. All that just to make it possible for us to get back to Himself. God loves us beyond understanding and desires personal relationship with each of us. However, receiving God’s love for our “self” and accepting His hand leading us back to Him is our personal choice to make, each of us.
… What if God wasn’t really good?
Let’s face this gently; and I’ve been there. You can’t trust someone unless you’re sure that’s a good person. I’ve seen myself being the most tempted to doubt God’s intrinsic goodness whenever I feel deeply disappointed of an outcome, or whenever I am going through some indefinite hurtful or waiting processes. Let’s also nuance that being tempted is not the same as actually falling into temptation. Temptations remain at the level of suggesting thoughts, which we can always accept or reject. So even when sometimes I am strongly tempted to doubt it, I know God is good, and that knowledge is a sort of anchor for me through those times.
See, with God, everything is about trusting Him; trusting His ways, His timing, His word, etc. Trusting Him. Another name for that is “faith”. It is written that “without faith, it’s impossible to please God“ (Hebrews 11:6). Trusting God is most likely the only way we receive from Him (Father God is spirit. He won’t come at us with physical hands; the trick with us humans is that when we really trust, we open our heart and receive spiritually). So trusting in our heart that God loves us, that’s how we receive His love for us. But again, it will be very difficult, if not impossible, to trust God if we’re not sure that He always means well, if we’re not sure that He is good.
Quick story: This weekend I was led to face an uncomfortable exchange within me, between me and God about his goodness and about my faith. A hard conversation took place where He confidently let me have the “upper hand” with my questions. It turned out to be a very uncomfortable moment, but our relationship needed it. God was more than ready to straight things up for me on His side, when I didn’t even know that I needed this conversation. I picture it now as if He gave me that opportunity to bring to the surface a box, or better yet a cage, full of some very specific thoughts, and that was so deeply buried and well hidden somewhere in me that I was not conscious of its presence. What dug it all the way up to the surface, was this movie “His only Son”, recently released on the Angel Studios app, but more specifically the story behind that movie: Abraham and Isaac.
I guess hard conversations happen and are necessary in all kinds of relationships, after all…
Days before, when I first saw the poster on the app, it repelled me, but low-key. It was not a strong aversion but it made something in me cringe. I felt annoyed just by the sight of it, so I went for The Wingfeather Saga (❤️🔥) and the Tuttle Twins instead (🤪). –Judge me after you watch one episode of each of those😁.
So then every time I would come on the app or on their website and I would see the poster of “His only Son”, I would feel more and more uneasy. When I’m genuinely not interested in a movie (or anything), it just leaves me indifferent. So I had to realize that, in fact, there was something going on between me that movie but I didn’t want to watch it. The fact was that, considering Isaac’s stand, the story was offensive to me. It was stirring some sad-angry-blaming-mistrustful thoughts in me, against God. So every time I would see the poster, I would be quick to redirect my attention and avoid the conflictual situation within me, so I could stay “in peace” with God. Because, to be honest, I wasn’t feeling like that with God in general, but just for what related to that particular story.
As soon as I really became aware of my situation with the poster, I also knew that it was too late for me not to face it, because I also knew that keeping myself from CURRENTLY having those thoughts by avoiding the sight of the poster, wasn’t making God any less knowledgeable of them. The situation started to feel very awkward and funny to me. I felt puzzled, because I didn’t want to have those confrontative thoughts against God, but I actually had them for real. I felt caught, because I just had become conscious and aware of those thoughts, but Him He knew for how long they have been lingering in my subconsciousness, and He also knew that I knew about them now- nowhere to hide. And I felt petty because I didn’t want to deal with that, I wanted to keep feeling comfortable with God and avoid any type of conflict. But since I knew the personal relationship we have developed, I also knew that the fact that I just became aware of those thoughts was actually His timing (and initiative) for us to go through it and clarify it all right there and right then, if I was willing. My discomfort wasn’t getting easier, so with all the feelings mentioned before, plus some intertwined other ones, it all just became funny to me (that’s how my mind processes some types of stress before I get to deal with them, while feeling safe to do so). So I sat my bottom before the screen, grabbed a snack and started watching the movie.
Still in the context of my own relationship with God (this is subtly your reminder to start your own with Him too🫶), while watching the whole movie, scene after scene, I got to free those thoughts one by one, expressing them finally, for them to meet His light. And His light destroyed them one by one. I repented sincerely and really asked God for more of His fear, maybe I’ve become too familiar, because similar thoughts I never want them again in my mind. And if you’re dealing with similar unconscious thoughts regarding that story, have you ever considered any parallelism between God and Abraham? Between Jesus and Isaac and both their willingness, since nowhere we’ve read about Abraham having to fight the young boy to tie him so he could stay there and not move… What Abraham almost did, God went through fully. I felt so foolish and so thankful that He allowed me to go through those misleading thoughts about Him. I felt so thankful that my God would reassure my heart that He is faithful, He is the same God I knew, and doesn’t change. The same loving, mighty, humble, powerful, deep and light, and so much more, but above all, sooo good. Thank you Lord.
I have to stop writing, otherwise, I’ll be too late for a birthday party I’ve been invited to… (I know what I’ve confessed here lately, but well.. it’s only a pool party y’all😅. Alright, I’m done anyway.)
But before I go, I’ll leave you with this: God is not offended by the dark thoughts we may have about Him. His love is so secure and deep that He makes room for us to expose them to Him respectfully and with no need to be afraid. But when we keep our attention away from those thoughts, questions and feelings about Him, not only we’re not giving Him the opportunity to shed light on them and free our mind with His truth, but we’re also allowing these thoughts to breed and deepen more in our subconsciousness. Then we find ourselves with zero desire to draw closer to God, without being aware of the causes for it.
God created humankind out of Himself, so it’s unnatural to stay far away from Him. It took us adopting another nature (a corrupted one by evil) to make that separation happen between us and God. Just turn on the news, if you’re not sure that our nature has been corrupted. Simply compare our many damages on the planet, with Earth’s natural and original beauty. But the good news is, as soon as we address Jesus-Christ sincerely in our hearts, the gap is closed between us and God, and a journey specific to each of us begins in Him; and because of that, Earth is pregnant with hope (Romans 8:19-21)!
His love is all we need, for all we ever need.
Toodles!
See you around next time.