Late night bus ride…

This Is Not Romanticized Enough🥀

I was on a bus traveling through a country. It was maybe around 10 p.m., and it felt like all the passengers were either resting or enjoying our shared road trip quietly. No babies crying, just the beautiful night through our windows, the perfect temperature inside, and love songs from a local radio station troubling my little heart with sweet and sour feelings. My romantic soul was gladly soaking in; I still enjoy being on the road at night, and under such musical conditions…

I was listening to the songs, sometimes paying more attention to the stories they told than their melodies. Some lyrics would make me giggle like “nah, come on, what a sweet lie!“. I would “awww, so nice” at some, or “But why, girl?” at others, etc. But all my playful reactions with the songs were internal though. If you’d looked at me, you’d have seen me comfortably lying back in my seat, eyes closed and just regularly breathing. But inside, I was enjoying myself, song after song.

I was also peacefully aware of God’s presence with me. I was alone, but not feeling lonely at all. I knew my omnipresent, omnipotent & omniscient Heavenly Father was witnessing me having this little fun, doing that silent activity with the songs (and that is still such a deep safe feeling).

Sneaky Fingers…🕷️

That’s basically what was going on for me in the dark and cozy atmosphere of the bus, when I started feeling something like fingers furtively searching through one of my pockets. The girl next to me, a total stranger who looked older than me, obviously thought that I was fast asleep, so she was low-key doing her thing…

First of all, I knew that I had nothing in my pocket. That alone gave me a certain confidence: I wasn’t going to get robbed, anyway. That also could have made me find the whole thing funny if the act itself weren’t very annoying to me. I shared my thoughts with God about the situation, and then in my heart, I knew what I had to do. So I calmly let her finish her displeasing little investigation. Then when she was done, I lifted my back off the seat, then directly asked her: «You know that if you trust God He’s able to give you all that you need, right? ». Then I leaned back again and closed my eyes as if nothing had happened. That was all I had to say.

Closing my eyes afterward was the hardest part for me to do. I didn’t know how that girl was going to react. I couldn’t pretend and fake closing my eyes either. When partnering with God, we have to do our part genuinely so God can fully do His. We can’t be in a controlling state of mind, but in a trusting (HIM) one. So yes closing my eyes after that was edgy, but I knew I could rely on God for the rest.

My girl was quite shaken up when I had turned to her. I’m not sure if it was because she realized that I wasn’t sleeping at all, and had known what she was doing the whole time, or if God had some purpose through the words that I felt to tell her, or maybe all of that altogether… That’s between her and God. But while I was talking, she had those wide fried-fish eyeballs staring back at me.

When I leaned back again, and while I was internally struggling to keep my eyes closed, I heard her mumbling a few anxious and complaining words. Then I felt like she left the seat next to me. I opened my eyes just in time to see her settling a few rows ahead. This time she sat close to the bus aisle, carefully away from the passenger next to her, still grumbling.

Not Even Mad At Her🌿 

I wasn’t feeling any type of particular way after that, not mad, not upset, nothing like that. I was just reflecting on what had just happened, with a bunch of question marks for God about her. Although peace never left me, it was quite an irritating feeling to have a stranger deliberately digging through my pocket like that. Her first time? A habit? Anyway, I knew that God wasn’t defining her by that. God loved that girl and already knew who she truly was, even when I didn’t, or even when herself, she didn’t. Because our sense of identity mostly dictates our behavior. If she had known better, she could have done better.

I love that our Heavenly Father never condemns us. He calls us out, yes, but it’s always an invitation to true restoration. He may deal with us, but one thing is for sure: God’s dealing is with perfect Love. It’s always safe with Him, no matter how firm He may show Himself at times. Life originally was His idea, to begin with, so why not take our cues from Him? Dr. Mike Murdock said something like “We decide our habits, our habits decide our future“. See how much of a disaster we can bring to our lives through bad habits… But God’s power working in us can break any chains, if we know and beleive that, to begin with.

We can choose to surrender our chains, once we’ve come to a place where we truly hate them. Then we trust and obey God’s ways through our process, being patient with ourselves (our falls and recoveries, keeping on fighting) but steady in our will to break free, believing that we will, because God’s power is made available to us. 

And one day, we look back, and can hardly believe it. What we thought was impossible to overcome, God has brought us through, and it’s now and forever behind us!

Post Scriptum: Alright now, I intended to celebrate finally writing a short article with this one. But I guess I’ll have to try again with my next one😅.

Well then, hope to see you around soon!